Facing the Music

I recently got back from a vacation home (Winter Park, FL) visiting family and friends but mostly I was there about a guy. Lets just say that it was truly one of the most beautiful relationships that I have ever been in both friends and otherwise. We shared with each other our life experiences, our hopes, dreams, values, and discussions about almost anything and everything you can think of. I will write on this story at a later date when I am not so emotional about the topic and what happened. But what has me writing currently is that it didn't end so great. Long story but I am not angry about it. Mostly though I have to tell a bunch of people what happened. Sort of like when you have something tragic that happens and the last thing you want to do is talk about it because that is all that you have done already, is talk about it. But everyone asks because it was supposed to be this wonderful almost magical epic story and then it all just blew up in your face. LOL well that is where I am at. Ok here is the positive, I have the most supportive friend network around and I realize this more now then ever. I don't know how to tell people how important it is to have friends that listen and support and simply just care for you as if you are family. This is why I am grateful.

It has been a week since all this happened and I am still being asked what happened. I mostly am tired of telling people but also every time I have to tell someone it is like reliving all the beauty and possibility of what could've happened and then telling them that he didn't pick you and watching their faces drop. Facing all of their disappointment and then telling them that you are ok and consoling them where inside you want to cry but if they see you fall apart they feel this need to tell you how wonderful you are, hahahaha! Who wants to hear that? I mean he didn't pick me, right? So I can't be that wonderful, LMAO.
Ok I am losing it a little.
Point being sometimes it's ok to not be ok and yes, I will recover and no, you don't have to put me back together. I don't need to be angry and I don't need to go out there and start dating right away because I don't want something that I saw as beautiful be tainted with anger and jealousy. So for now I will keep it together so that no ones tells me it's going to be ok, and that I deserve better, for now I am ok and I will continue to face the music of everyday.

Tiana

"You can't travel through time, but you can send your thoughts and hopes into the future to camp out and wait for you to arrive there, where you'll meet up and hug and decide that everything is alright again."-John Mayer

The beginning

Where to start except to tell you that I am going to attempt to record something great and tell you my story of the past and then to hope that I will continue to write about the future.

I am 29 and next month I will be 30. I just moved to Boston from Florida taking a big leap in my life to attend grad school and leave the comfort and familiar behind. I set out almost 2 years ago today to make this happen. I left behind friends and family and a 7 year relationship that was spinning its wheels. I was ready for adventure and I have been taking leaps and jumps and risks that I am not sure I would have always done but I am discovering who I am. I am in the search for love, true love and not this settling that I see happening all around me. People simply being comfortable and yes I do believe they love each other but I am looking for that something, the spark, the flare, that thing that gives you butterflies and everything just seems beautiful. Mind you I am not out hunting like some crazed desperate woman. I am simply wondering if it exists. I believe it does but I am not sure if it is from my youth of innocent love or too many romance novels. This is going to be my journey. I have some stories to tell so some will be from the past and some of the present and some of the hopeful future.

Tiana
Listening to: Up To The Mountain by Patty Griffin